Some days I wish I was back in Uganda but I also know being in Canada is a huge privilege. The thing I miss most is having things figured out. In Uganda I had time to think about my desires and values. Life in Canada feels faster paced, I do not have time for thoughtful reflection, I have to keep up. It feels like I'm running but not reaching the destination any faster. At the end of my trip I felt like I had all the answers to life and just had to implement them, but life's priorities got fuzzy once I returned to Canada. It is harder to make decisions, because I have not taken time to think about what I really want; this means rash decisions get made.
On a brighter note, I feel like I am completely adjusted to being back in Canada. I remember being in Uganda thinking I would always be a "Canadian," that I would always fit back into Canadian culture but I found myself being mystified at a lot of Canadian norms once I returned. For example, I could not understand why people would get upset at being late, they would drive their cars fast, cursing as their blood pressure rose. I laughed inside while quietly mentioning to them," You know, your life is pretty great, you're at the top percent of human standards of living, being late is not a problem. Not having enough food or access to medicine is a problem. If we're late, we're late, we'll just catch the next bus/ferry/movie." I would think, "white people are crazy," to which my boyfriend always reminds me, "You know you're white too, right Kirsten?" It has become a bit of a joke, but I think it illustrates just how disconnected I felt from my own country.
Its November now and I've managed to adjust, I still go running in the mornings, just like I did in Uganda, work at a coffee shop that sells fair trade coffee and is completely sustainable and I'm meeting people. This time I'm not attracted to people from small Canadian towns, but the international students and people that have travelled abroad. I'm glad to be back in Canada but I've managed to find an international community that makes it feel like home.
Just in case you were looking for a good read, I have two recommendations. "Dead Aid," is about how foreign aid is making some countries in Africa dependant and "Paved with Good Intentions," a book about the role of the Canadian government in toppling the democracy and exiling the President of Haiti while Canadian NGOs remained silent in exchange for substantial grant increases.
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